I Kinda Always Knew You'd End Up My ExBoyfriend

I guess that technically I’m “free”. However, the issue stands, do I even want to be? For so long it was you and me, but slowly. I lost everything, that was once me. My dreams and my hopes disintegrated throughout the long love-filled months, Even throughout the drama and chaos, I could never envision my life without you. Now that we are officially apart on all existing platforms, how is one like me supposed to cope? How am I supposed to have real hopes or real dreams in the days months and years that lie ahead? I can only see myself with you. I don’t want another and I don’t want you with another, ever. I believed, at one time, that living together caused the chaos. I believe that my job, studies, perhaps even a chemical imbalance caused the chaos. But the more time that passes and the more that dramatic circumstances arise without an end point, I come to the realization: We simply don’t fit together. Not even at all. I couldn’t make it fit, I couldn’t make it work. As far as I’m concerned, you never even budged to try, and now here I am exhausted and indebted to you for years to come. With this unfortunate circumstance, no benefits will be reaped. This seems to lie only on my end. I feel I will never feel your embrace, or feel the warmth and comfort from the look in your eyes when you are overflowing with love, passion and selflessness…for me… for us. I don’t believe I will ever experience the bliss we had with one another… I am torn and broken and I can’t find an inch of my being to keep me strong through this. I would never hurt the one I love. I solely fear the thought of losing such a gift that I have prayed and begged for all my life. And now it is gone forever. Logic and sensibility say we aren’t meant to be together, the pain of this truth will leave me tortured for eternity. The only man I ever loved has not let me walk away, but be dragged away in chains with no plead for change. How could this be my life, how could one let this become reality and just give up? Merely a woman in love, lust, obsession, passion, why would this ever be the outcome? Only in America could something as beautiful as what we had be seen as criminal or wrong. Not I, my love and my heart are just completely yours, I know this because I have seen more of the world than some. I will never let this go, I will never recover, and I will never be the same.